Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
