mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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