there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
