toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
