How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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