Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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