sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
