I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
