I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
