On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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