i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
