you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
