God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
