1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
