Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize