The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
