I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
