you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
