tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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