My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you didnt know i had herpes?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
The air was thick with penises
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard