I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though