Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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