You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks