She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.