Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
