You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
