I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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