Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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