i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
