Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
