my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
