if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
