I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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