It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
