Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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