I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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