Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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