How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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