from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
