I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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