As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
