I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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