The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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