we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
