I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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