This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
