so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
