You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
