She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
