can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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