ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
