he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
