the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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