If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
