I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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