you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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