Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
