dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This baby is an asshole
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
