My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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