If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
