every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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