what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
