Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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