You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize