Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
